i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
