I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
this hospital has no fireball
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
