no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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