if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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