At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
