So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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