When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
