We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
