The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
