If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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