It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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