Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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