Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
