what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
