I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
