She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
