It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
