So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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