he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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