its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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