farters have to be the big spoon...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
