I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
