We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
