Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
