Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
