My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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