hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
