The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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