no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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