you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
