I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
