Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
