Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
