I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
