You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
