i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
