I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
