Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
