I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
