i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
