Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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