never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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