he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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