Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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