I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
