I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
