dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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