accomplished twins. life is a go
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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