Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
