and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
