I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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