Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize