Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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