...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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