That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
