I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
