We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
