I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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