Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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