he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
